Monday, May 21, 2012
*Two lifelong friends are taking a much needed getaway in the Appalachia Mountains at a private cabin. They have told family and friends alike they are away on business so they will not be disturbed and they can truly be away from modern day issues like cell phones, TV, and politics. It's just past midnight and the friends are in a heated debate over life after death.*
Practical friend: You cannot make me believe there are such a thing as ghost, no matter how hard you try!
Believing friend: How can you say that? I have seen things with my own eyes that make me a believer. Have you seen things that make you certain they don’t exists?
Practical friend: There would be proof by now if there was such a thing. Modern science would have found a way to reveal them.
Believing friend: Not true. Animals, that scientist have thought dead for thousands of years , are discovered every day in remote parts of the world. Ghosts are so far removed from this world, they could not possibly know how to find them, but ghosts do exist.
Practical friend: Listen, I am a man deeply rooted in reality. I have studied almost every NCIS tv show and forensic science special known to man. With all the grizzly murders that happen every day, would you not think that the vengeful spirits would haunt those murderers? Especially those that get away with it?
Believing friend: Who's to say they don’t? Maybe these murders are haunted to the point of insanity by the ghosts, or the ghosts come back and “get them” that is why they are never found out by the police. Maybe the nature of a murderer makes them so evil that they cannot see a ghost at all.
Practical friend: That is completely preposterous!
Believing friend: Prove that I am wrong then!
*The unbelieving friend reached into his pocket and pulls out a small pistol. In the blink of an eye he squeezes off 5 shots into the chest of his friend. The mortally wounded man slumps out of his chair and onto the floor as he stares up at his murderer. Still holding the gun, the deadly friend gets on his knees and lowers his head down to the dying man’s ear, as if to wihisper.*
Practical friend: No my dear friend….you prove me wrong!..........I will be waiting.
Friday, May 18, 2012
I was deeply saddened to learn that Professor Evil (aka Rik Cary) of Hauntproject.com had passed away this last weekend. I have been a huge fan of Hauntproject and almost all of my creations have a design I gleaned from that sites multitude of DIY plans. His passing has left a huge void in the Home Haunter and Halloween community at large. My thoughts go out to his friends and family. He will be greatly missed!
I hope that somebody is able to rise up and accept the mantle that was his to administer the site of Halloween excellence and continue his enormous legacy to us all. You can check out his personal work on his blog, Professorevil.com. Here is his 2011 creation:
Here are just a few of his creations from 2010. He had a real eye for lighting.
Farewell Professor Evil. May this be the beginning of many great journeys.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
*A frustrated father slams the bedroom door of his twelve year old daughter as he leaves her room. The daughter can still be heard crying softly as he returns to his bedroom and his waiting wife, who is already in bed. He starts pacing back and forth as he vents to his wife.*
Frustrated father: I’m telling you this whole “scary ghost woman” thing has to stop. Every night it is the same thing. She sees her outside her window or outside her door and she threatens to take her soul and hurt her parents! It’s very frustrating! Our daughter is going to be the death of me.
Consoling mother: I’m sorry honey. I am sure she will grow out of it soon.
Frustrated father: Not soon enough. She is already too old for this kind of thing!
Consoling mother: Just be patient dear.
Frustrated father: This has gone on every night since we moved into this place. Over two months now!
Consoling mother: Honey…..I need to ask you some questions….. and I want you to answer me very calmly. Just stand perfectly still, look at me, and answer me in a very normal tone……. Ok?
Frustrated father: Ok? I guess.
Consoling mother: Good….. now…..did she ever mention to you…..what this…ghost woman…..looked like exactly?
Frustrated father: Yeah all the time why?
Consoling mother: Did the woman she see……have crazy looking eyes….each a different color?
Frustrated father: Yes she did mention that.
Consoling mother: Did….this….woman have….sores on her face?
Frustrated father: Oh yes, she always mentions that.
Consoling mother: Would she ……happen to have…..crooked yellow teeth and scraggly, greasy hair?
Frustrated father: Dear lord honey, you have just described the “scary ghost woman” our daughter has been seeing every night. Do you know somebody like that?
Consoling mother: ……No…….
Frustrated father: Then how did you know what she looks like?
Consoling mother: Because she is sneaking up on you from the hallway right now!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
* A young man who was on an Amazon conservation expedition had found 2 injured blue macaws in a poacher’s camp. These rare birds are sought after by poachers to sell as high dollar pets. He nursed them back to health and, due to his work background, was allowed to keep the now domesticated rare birds for himself. He planned on heading back to his parent’s house in America so he has them shipped ahead of his visit. He sends a message to his parents explaining how rare the birds are and one is for them and he will keep the other. A few days later, the young man arrives from his long journey at his parent’s home. *
Mother: Oh honey, you are so late, we thought you weren’t going to get here.
Young man: There was a delay at the gate and we sat on the runway for 2 hours! It is so good to see you!
Mother: Well dinner is almost cold! Come sit down and let’s eat and we can talk all about it!
*The young man and his mother enter the dinning room where his father is already seated at the table preparing for dinner. The young man takes a seat at the table.*
Father: Good to see you son! I was afraid I was going to have to eat without you!
Young man: Never fear! I am here now and we can let the feast begin.
*The mother quickly brings out steaming hot bowls of delicious smelling food as the family makes idle chit chat. *
Young man: So father, did you all get the birds I sent?
Father: Sure did! Boy they were some loud ones. We haven’t seen live birds since I was a boy back on the farm.
Young man: Did you manage them ok? I tried to get here fast so you would not have to deal with them long.
Father: Oh yes, we had no problems at all.
Young man: I would love to see them.
Father: Well, here they are now!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
*A woman is happily preparing some apples to bake into pies. She can't find the cinnamon and is diligently digging in the back of her cabinets to see if she has any, but alas she is out. Her doorbell rings as she finishes the futile search. Answering the door, she finds her next door neighbor. He is a very strange man that keeps to himself mostly, which she preferred because he gave her a general unsettling feeling. Whenever she notices him around the neighborhood, he always seems to be staring at her in a very odd manner.*
Baking woman: Well hello there. Can I help you?
Neighbor: I couldn’t help but notice from the smell coming from your kitchen that you are making pies. I could smell them from my back porch.
Baking woman: Oh? You could tell that from the smell?
Neighbor : Yes and I could tell you did not have enough cinnamon in them so I brought you some over.
Baking woman: Wow! You must have one super nose to detect that. Here, let me pay you for that. I insist.
*Not wishing to be rude she beckons for the man to enter into the living room. She hurries off to get her purse to pay for the cinnamon because she did not want to have a debt with this very odd fellow. She quickly returns to the living room to find the man looking though her movie collection.*
Baking woman: Here we go. Five dollars should cover it.
Neighbor: Thanks...... I hate to impose, but could I borrow this movie here?
Baking woman: Well, I was watching that last night and got too sleepy to finish it so I cut it off, but I suppose you can.
Neighbor: Oh I know, I was watching it with you and I was really into it.
Baking woman: What? How were you watching it with me?
Neighbor: I noticed you starting the movie so I sat down by your back window.
Baking woman: You were what? Why were you doing that?
Neighbor: I didn’t want to bother you and it looked like a good movie so I just pulled up a lawn chair outside your window and watched it ….. with you.
Baking woman: That is just creepy! You did not watch the movie with me! You sat outside my window and watched me watch a movie! I think that is over the line! You should not do that to people!
Neighbor: I am sorry, I truly am.
Baking woman: Being sorry is not ok! That just bothers me. You have no right to do that to me. That’s probably how you knew I was out of cinnamon, you were watching me bake! That is just as bad as sneaking in my house at night and watching me sleep!
Monday, May 14, 2012
*A married couple was having a huge fight in front of their 16 year old son. The fight was centered around Mother’s Day. They had argued for weeks about how they would handle the event, but it was now the day before the holiday and things were getting very heated. The wife’s mother had passed away a few years ago and she wanted to drive two hours to visit the grave first. The husband wanted to go visit his still living mother first, who just happened to live 2 hours in the opposite direction. They both made valid arguments but it still lead to an all out fight with both parties saying horrible things to one another. After a solid hour of fighting, the couple agreed to disagree and they would both go their separate ways in the morning. The husband would spend the day with his mother and the wife would drive out and pay her respects at the cemetery. They left it up their son to decide whom he would choose to go with. The husband headed off to sleep on the couch as the wife stormed off upstairs. The next morning, the family meets in the kitchen.*
Son: Before anybody has a chance to start arguing again, I wanted to say I am not happy at all the way you acted. I really don’t appreciate you both putting me in the middle and making me choose who I want to visit today. I loved both my grandparents, and I want to show my respect and love for them both.
Husband: You’re right. We acted horrible.
Wife: I’m sorry we did that.
Son: You both are always telling me to find common ground in an argument and seek out a compromise rather than be a child and walk away mad. You both should practice what you preach.
Wife: You are so right dear. I feel awful about how we acted.
Son: We are a family and we should do everything as a family. Since neither of you seem capable of being the adult here and coming up with a compromise that would be fair to us all, I took matters into my own hands and found a solution.
Husband: Oh you did? What did you come up with son?
Son: It took most of the night, but I think my decision is fair for all. Now we can visit both of your mothers together at the same time.
Wife: What are you talking about? How is that possible?
Son: I brought both my grandmothers together. Dad, your mom is with her mom now.
Husband: WHAT! Oh my Lord! What have you done? Are you insane? You buried my mother?
Son: Please dad! That is absolutely crazy! I would never harm a hair on grandma's head! Last night I drove out and got grandma and brought her back here. She is waiting for us out in the garage as we speak.
Wife: That is a bit odd honey, but how does that bring us to a common ground compromise. We still have to drive for 2 hours to visit my mother’s grave.
Son: Nope! I went and got her too! I told you they were together…..
Sunday, May 13, 2012
I wanted to wish all the mothers out there a very Happy Mother's Day. Especially my very own wicKED mom, to whom I owe everything. Thanks for taking care of me and raising me up to be the twisted, dark, Halloween loving creature I am today.
In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I would do a picture post about all the monstrous mothers, mother-in-laws, and step-mothers out there. Hope all you mothers enjoy!
|Possessed mother from "The Devil Inside"|
|Creepy mom from "Sleepwalkers"|
|Crazy political mom.|
|Damien's mother from "The Omen"|
|Wicked Stepmother from "Once Upon a Time"|
|Mother from "The Exorcist"|
|The babies momma "Rosemary's Baby"|
|Mother of all vampires from "Queen of the Damned"|
|"The Amityville Horror" original horror mother.|
|Grendel's mother from "Beowulf"|
|Echidna, the mother of all monsters from Greek Mythology|
|Zombie Apocalypse mother. "The Walking Dead"|
|Man Eating Mother|
|"Poltergeist" mom swimming with a new friend.|
|"My Moms a Werewolf"|
|Mother of Jason Voorhees|
|Mother of Freddy Krueger|
|Reanimated mother from "Pet Sematary "|
|Abby Borden. Step-mother of Lizzie Borden.|
|Crazy next door neighbor mother "American Horror Story"|
|Norman Bates as his mother "Psycho"|
|Dog fighting mother from "Cujo"|
|Mutant mother Mystique "Xmen"|
|Eve, the mother of all monsters."Supernatural"|
|I'm not your mother... yet! "Fatal Attraction"|
|Mrs Henderson from, "Harry and the Hendersons"|
|Lilly Munster "The Munsters"|
|NO MORE WIRE HANGERS! "Mommy Dearest"|
|Monstrous Mutant Alien Monster Baby Maker.|
|Ghostly mother "The Others"|
|Carrie's mother "Carrie"|
|Norman Bates's actual mother "Psycho"|
|Sam and Dean Winchester's mother. "Supernatural"|
|Samantha and Endora, witchy mothers. "Bewitched"|
|Heeeeere's a mother! "The Shinning"|
|Me say Mom! Me say Mom o' "Beetlejuice"|
|The mother of John Connor "Terminator"|
|Mother of Leather Face... or is it a mother with a leather face... hmmm|
|Creepy dead ghost mother "The Grudge"|
|The Alien Queen|
|Morticia Adams "The Adam's Family"|
|Cinderella's evil step-mother.|