Monday, May 7, 2012

Monday's Monster Media (May Monster Madness Day 7)

   Today is the last day for the first (annual) May Monster Madness. I just wanted to thank Annie for creating and steamrolling this effort into existence and Emma, my minion in crime, for all the fun and help. This blog hop was a huge success and I also want to thank all those bloggers that participated in this week of whimsy.

   My final M.M.M. post is Monsters in the News. Without further delay... ON TO THE NEWS!:

Werewolf/Vampire Hybrids on the rise!

   A vampire crossed with a werewolf to produce a hybrid sounds pretty bad ass!

  Unfortunately they looks nothing like the picture above. They actually looks pretty pathetic and their actions, even more so!

The only monstrous thing about her are those eyebrows. 

   A Florida "woman" is in jail as a murder suspect. She is accused of killing a 16 year old boy. What is ever more shocking.... SHE CLAIMS SHE IS A VAMPIRE WEREWOLF HYBRID!

  The creature from Florida claims, "Since I was like, 12...I know this is going to be crazy, but I believe that I'm a vampire. Part of a vampire and part of a werewolf." Although she admits neither of her parents are vampires or werewolves, or that she has ever been bitten, attacked, scratched, or even genetically manipulated by a government scientist. It is extremely unclear how she became this mythical concoction of monster. [Full Story Here]
    But wait! There's more vampire/werewolf hybrid crime going down!

Apparently one of the side effect of being a hybrid is severe stupidity.
  A 19 year old Pennsylvania man is being charged with sexual assault of a 15 year old girl, but also claims that he is a werewolf/vampire hybrid. Like that makes it ok to date minors. When he was arrested he wanted to prove to the arresting officer that he was indeed a hybrid, so he showed him his canine teeth. The officer was quick to respond to this irrefutable proof by telling the hybrid, "All mammals have canines." This Einstein of the monster hybrid community also went on to say he had a tattoo of a guardian dragon that would, "Protect him from evildoers". Well at least that worked. It is protecting you by helping you get arrested. [Full Story Here]

   So it would seem that when you cross a vampire and a werewolf, you end up with a super lame monster. What would you call that anyhow? A wampire or a verevolf?

Wisconsin man claims a ghost beat his wife.... not him!

Ghostbuster? Sam and Dean? Zak? Grant and Jason! Please send help! I was framed!
   A man and his wife got into an argument that quickly escalated out of control. When the man attempted to strangle her twice she called 911. As officers were arresting the struggling and drunken man, he claimed he was not only innocent, but the victim of mistaken identity. The real attacker, that left bruises on his wife's neck and bloodied her nose, was in fact a ghost! Since there was no ghost at the scene (because they vanish like that when cops show up!), they arrested the husband. [Full Story Here]

   The ghost refused to comment.

Teenage Werewolf Gangs run rampant in San Antonio Texas!

   Apparently there are gangs of werewolves in Texas and they like to hang out in malls under the full moon. 

   One of the mothers of the "werewolves" claimed they were just good kids having some innocent fun. That is until one of the werekids killed a neighbors dog, decapitated it, and then took pictures of it. The wereteen being accused of this, Wolfie Blackheart, has to be seen to be believed. 

   Another teenage werewolf pack was questions about this behavior. They commented, "Those are no werewolves.... where are their abs?"

SUPERMOON could be to blame for rash of stupid were creatures.

   Saturday night, the world was all looking to the heavens to get a look at the "supermoon" of the year. This full moon would be closer to the earth that any other time of the year, giving photographers a rare chance at ultra clear and large photos. 

I was able to capture my own pictures of the super moon.

WAIT! If there is a supermoon.... that can only mean one thing!

Bizarre "turd colored" creature accused of dragging children into tanning booths. 

   If you have been following this pathetic excuse of a monster on TV, then you know my ire. What gets me is the insults she throws calling others "ugly" and herself beautiful. I have never been called ugly by an old catchers mitt with eyes, but there is a first time for everything. From some of the interviews, her brain seems to have been tanned as well as she calls "Snooki"  from Jersey Shore "Snoopy".[FULL STORY HERE]

Her brother was unavailable for questions. 

    I hope they detain this creature soon and lock it up in the dark where it's skin can peel off and hopefully lead a somewhat normal life. 

Octomom claims bankruptcy and signs up to do porn. Porn industry files for bankruptcy 10 minutes later. 

    Despite still paying $500 dollars for haircuts, the Octobeast claims she is 1 million dollars in debt. After filling for bankruptcy, she then signed on to do porn. The earth's axis shifted by a few degrees as men all over the world, simultaneously puked. [FULL STORY HERE]
   Nobody wants to see this monster's "pain cave" where she spewed out an insane amount of offspring all at once. She is more cockroach than human. The only people that are interested in the porn tapes are Weightwatchers because, "nobody could eat after seeing that monster vagina". 
    I have been lucky (or unlucky) enough to have an actual image from the upcoming pron movie. I warn you, this image is graphic! Proceed with caution! 
















Sunday, May 6, 2012

Top 8 places for monsters to hide. (May Monster Madness Day 6)

   Most of my May Monster Madness posts have dealt with more mature monster themes, but what about when we were kids? To a kid, monsters were a part of every day life. Every dark corner could hold one waiting to pounce. How many times can you recall peeking out from under the covers and being absolutely sure a monster was going to be waiting there for you?

 Usually a kid is safe under the covers, but I was not so lucky. I had this irrational fear that something was under the covers with me... so there was no refuge for me!

  This brings me to today's post. The top 8 places that monsters hide (childhood version).

#8 Behind the shower curtain/in bathtub.

#7 In the attic.

#6 In the toilet.

#5 In the basement.

#4 Outside the window.

#3 In the dark itself.

#2 In the closet.