Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #11

*A young couple are awakened from a peaceful sleep by the sound of their front door being opened and a large object slamming into the floor.* 

Startled Wife: Honey!?! Did you hear that noise downstairs? It sounded like somebody opened the front door.

Calm Husband: Calm down dear. That's just my brother.

Startled Wife: Your brother? It’s 3am in the morning. Why would he be coming in our front door at this time?

Calm Husband: I called him before we went to bed. He is bringing in the trash bags, shovels, and Duct Tape like I asked him to.

Startled Wife: Why would you ask him to do that?

Calm Husband: Now that is a silly question! How else are we going to chop up and dispose of your body?

Monday, April 23, 2012

Old man winter thrusts us back into fall.

This is my Japanese Bloodmoon Maple last week.

Here it is today after we had some snow flurries.

Looks like fall of the year for one of my prized specimens. 

Hopefully the warm weather will return and with it, bring fresh foliage. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Have a wicKED Earthday all!

To all those that dwell upon the surface of the earth, be mindful of those that dwell beneath it. 

Friday, April 20, 2012

Bucky's Boneyard at the SkeletonStore.com will rock your haunt.

   If you haven't already been to Bucky's Boneyard on Skeletonstore.com, head on over. They have tons of wholesale skeletons, bones, skulls, and props for sale. They even offer a Home Haunter discount with successful application and link to your website containing your haunt photos.

   They have the 5'6 medical grade skeletons normally $156 but with Haunter discount, it's only $111

   Set of 2 skeletal hands and arms for $7.75. With Haunter discount only $5.43. These will be great for ground breakers or shaking coffins!

   They not only have Skeletal props, they have other things like Bartholomew the standing Graveyard Caretaker.  

   Normally $57.75, but with Haunter discount only $40.42. You could really add on and dress this up to make a killer prop (which is exactly what I plan on doing).

   They sell lots of unique gifts for that Halloween head in your life. If money is no object, you can buy one of these fantastic, hand made chandeliers. 

 There is a lot of cool props on here for really good prices. If you are like me, your haunt is on a budget more than ever, hopefully this site can help you save some bucks while not making you miss out on the buckies. 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #10

*Two 12 year old boys take a break from trick or treating behind an old abandoned house that is reportedly haunted*

Bored TOT: Halloween is just boring anymore. There is no real creep factor or supernatural danger to worry about. Not like in the movies.

Imaginative TOT: I know what you mean. Like this house. Sure it is rumored to be haunted, but why? By whom? This town needs a legend to make Halloween more sinister.

Bored TOT: Yeah a legend! Something really horrible that happened here. People would always look at this old house and remember that the horrible event took place on Halloween.

Imaginative TOT: I have really done some thinking on this. How does this story grab you? A Trick or Treater lures one kid back to this house every Halloween night and brutally slays them with an ax. It will be scary because the legendary killer is just a kid in a costume. Nobody will know who it is or how they are dressed.

Bored TOT: I like it, but why is this murderous kid like that? What makes him tick? 

Imaginative TOT: Hmmm, how about this. The kid had a father that drank too much and beat him and his mother all the time. The father felt guilty so he would wear an old devil mask, like from the 50’s, when he would beat them. In the father’s mind as long as he wore the mask, it was like somebody else was beating them. On Halloween night, the kid is really taking a beating from this guy and finally breaks. He takes a hatchet from the tool shed and hits his father in the back of the head with it… while he is still wearing the devil mask! The kid is so messed up by these events, he starts wearing his father’s mask and kills a kid every Halloween with the same ax he used on his dad! Like when the kid sees other kids in masks, he is compelled to kill.

Bored TOT: Wow! That is great. You have thought about it. What happens next?

Imaginative TOT: Well, his mother would be grateful that the kid killed his abusive and crazy father. So, when she finds out that her son chops up a random kid every Halloween, she not only covers and protects him, but even helps him kill the kids. It all goes down right here in this abandoned house they used to live in.

Bored TOT: That is brilliant! Great idea, but how do we start this legendary tale? I mean how do we spread it and get people to believe it actually happened.

Imaginative TOT: I’m glad you asked that. Every story has a beginning. Tonight is as good as any night to start it. 
*reaches into his candy sack and pulls out a bloody devil mask and a hatchet*

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #9

*A woman returns to her home after a 2 week business trip overseas. She is met in the living room by her husband.*

Returning wife: I cannot tell you how good it is to be home. I have missed you so bad. Come here and give me a hug. 

Surprising husband: Wait right there, don’t come any closer. I have a surprise for you.

Returning wife: A surprise? What on earth could it be, and why are you wearing that old dirty hoody?

Surprising husband: This hoody is hiding your surprise. Do you remember how you always talked about our neighbor David's abs? Do you remember telling me how you wish I had abs just like David?

Returning wife: Yes I do. David has amazing abs… oh honey! Did you join a gym?

Surprising husband: Nope…even better. *unzips hoody* I just took David's! You can barely tell that they are attached to this belt.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #8

New Girlfriend: Wow, look at that girl's hair in that commercial. I wish I had hair like that.

New Boyfriend: My ex had hair EXACTLY like that.

New Girlfriend: No way! That is the most perfect hair in the world! That woman has makeup artist and video editors that make it look that good. There is no way that hair is real.

New Boyfriend: No really. She had hair that looked that way every day. She did not even do anything special with it at all. In fact, it caused us a lot of trouble. There was always some guy wanting to run his fingers through it.

New Girlfriend: I am sorry, but I cannot believe hair like that exists in the real world. It is just too perfect.

New Boyfriend: No really she did, and I will prove it to you. Follow me to the basement. Her head should still be down there in the freezer.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #7

*A husband and wife are sitting down to dinner. The wife seems distant and distraught.*

Husband: Cheer up honey. I made kabobs just the way you like them.

Wife: I know and you are really wonderful to do that. I just really miss my dog Fluffy. It is not like him to run away like this. I can’t even enjoy this lovely dinner you cooked for us. This wonderful food just seems bland and chewy to me.

Husband: Fluffy barked constantly and he bit me yesterday. I will not miss him at all.

Wife : Oh don’t say that, he was the sweetest dog.

Husband: You kept telling me all this time how sweet he was, but when it came time to prove it, he was just bland and chewy.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Have a wicKED Friday 13th and Happy Birthday to my best friend.

   It is A special Friday the 13th here in the Wicked Woods. My best friend , Coach Toney, is celebrating his Birthday. Yep, you heard it right. My best friend was born on Friday the 13th. Funny how life works out sometimes.

Hope your party is wicKED!

   As a tribute to both the Coach's Birthday and Friday the 13th itself, I have decided to do a top 13 list.

13 things to avoid if your birthday is on Friday the 13th:

13 - Machete Factories

12 - Any present that seems "Chainsaw" shaped.

11 - The urge to run off from the rest of the party and head into a dark woods in your underwear.

10 - No fooling around with the opposite sex. It's like pheromones to an ax murderer.

9 - A weekend invitation to be a camp councilor. Especially if part of the uniform is knee high socks!

8 - Creepy old shacks in the middle of the woods. This is not the party you are looking for.

7 - Should you find yourself attacked by a hockey mask wearing mad man, and you happen to knock him out, resist the urge to look under the mask... IT'S A TRAP! 

6 - Inviting a bunch of hooligan teenagers to your party..... they attract machete wielding maniacs and they just die by the busloads (carpet stains!).

5 - Taking a nap in a canoe in the early dawn light on a peaceful lake.

4 - If your friend offers to take you for a ride in his boat out on the lake and the boat is full of chains and heavy rocks.

3 - Hockey Games.

2 - If a guy in a hockey mask ask you to "give him a hand". 

1 - Birthday cake shaped like "Mommies head".

And remember...everything is better with Bacon!
Except Friday the 13th!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Shockingly Sinister Shorts #6

*A newly engaged couple has traveled for days to arrive at his childhood home to meet his parents. He went ahead to prepare his family for her visit and has called his betrothed at the hotel. Giving her directions, he tells her to catch a cab and come on over. She arrives at a quite little house that seems almost run down in the darkness of night. Knocking on the door, she is met by the voice of her fiancee telling her to enter.*

Newly engaged woman: Hello? Is anybody there? It sure is dark. Did the power go out?

Man covered in mud: Hello honey, Sorry about the power. I have candles lit.

Newly engaged woman: Oh my goodness! You are covered in dirt! Is everything ok?

Man covered in mud: Yes everything is fine. I was just working on getting everything ready with my parents. I must tell you there has been an accident.

Newly engaged woman: Oh no! What kind of accident? Is everyone ok.

Man covered in mud: It was a terrible car crash I fear, but don’t worry, the accident was over 10 years ago. I just had to go to the cemetery where my parents were buried and dig them up to meet you. They are down in the basement. They smell pretty horrible compared to the last time I went and got them, but they are much more talkative. I can’t wait for you to meet them though!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I got Chuck Norris's autograph!

   I heard Chuck Norris was going to be in town, so I went to see for myself. Sure enough, he was standing on the side of the road looking at his phone. I pulled up, rolled down my car window, and asked for his autograph. When I woke up 6 hours later, I was left with this!

   Thanks Chuck for autographing my car!

   But seriously, my car is in the shop thanks to my mom. She decided to see who's car was stronger. Apparently her's won as she backed into mine. Not a scratch was left on hers. Oh well, at least she has good insurance and my Mustang is going to get a complete detail job out of the deal. 
   I am also retiring my old tags. When M drives my car, people think she is a stripper.

  As soon as my car gets out of the shop, these will be going on.

 Let me tell you, we had the hardest time coming up with a wicKED tag. WICKED, 2WICKED, WICKED1, and 4WICKED was taken of course. We even went down the path of 2W1CK3D, WICKEDS and IWICKED. We settled for W1CKEDZ which hopefully people will pronounce wicked's, as in wicked's car. My mom took one look at them and said, "Wicked Z? What is a Z? ". 


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Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Farewell to the Painter of Light

   I was very saddened to learn that famous, "Painter of Light", Thomas Kinkade had passed away.

Thomas Kinkade 1958-2012
   He was one of my favorite modern artist. He was most known for his amazing Christmas and Cottage scenes, (like the one below), which makes it easy to see how he came to be known as The Painter of Light.

   Although he was famous for the above style of pictures, he was also great at capturing the beauty of Autumn.

   You can view his legacy of great works at his website, http://www.thomaskinkade.com.